“Although she was drinking more than ever, she was frequenting bars less. Most of her drinking was done at home now, and she became a recluse, withdrawing from the real world into a realm all her own.
Nearly all of her waking hours were spent sitting on a bar stool alone in the darkness of our tiny kitchen. She wore nothing but a slip, day and night.
She drank, smoked cigarettes and sometimes muttered to herself. Occasionally she barked out orders to my father or me, but for the most part, she didn’t participate in our lives.
My mother had been reduced to not much more than an angry voice from the kitchen. At night, all I saw of her was the red glow on the end of her cigarette.” –Glenda’s Story, Led by Grace
Tears, mixed with regret for the past and gratitude for what is, filled my eyes as I read these words last night. But for the grace of God go I. This is me if I ever pick up alcohol again. Drinking provided a “safe” place for me to tune the world out. I wasn’t a fun, easy-going drunk. And at the expense of my family would I go to any length to stay in the place where the blinds to my heart and mind could be shut-even for a moment.
74 days ago God heard my prayer and delivered me day by day to the miracle of living sober. Without it, I have absolutely nothing.
CS Lewis nails it when he talks about Gods will for us vs our own:
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
Indeed. ❤
I can really relate to this, I am going to check out that book. Thanks for posting!
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You’re so welcome! It’s a great book!
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Awesome. Love this. I need these reminders because even without the drink I still make mud pies sometimes. 🙂 Every post like this reminds me to be grateful and joyous! I am sober, and I forget! Congrats to you… love you sister. So happy for you.
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Thank you so much! Love you! ❤
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Wonderful reflection and great CS Lewis poor. I really enjoyed this read, thank you. It is very true that but for the grace of God go I. And if I ever forget that I may just lose my sobriety and then who knows what else.
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Totally agree! Thanks for such encouraging words!
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Congrats on 74! Your post left me stunned. And that’s a good thing GU. Love you!
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Wow, Elizabeth. Thank you. Love you! 😘
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Very true and this really spoke to me. I was the same, isolating tuning everyone out drunk. Not the kind of mother I want to be. Great quote! xxx
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I was becoming that kind of drunk.
Just sitting in my robe all day, and drinking the day away.
So thankful I am not anymore!
Happy 74 days!!
xo
Wendy
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Me too! Thanks so much Wendy!
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Are you out there! ; )
I love this post. What an angry drinker I could be as well. God began speaking to me years ago, but I listened half-heartedly, as C.S. Lewis points out. But I’m a work in progress. ; )
xoxo
Shawna
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Hey 🙂 I’m here. 86 days today. I’m actually going though a bit of a crisis right now that has to do with a lot of ppl I really love. Please just keep me in your prayers! Thanks so much Shawna!
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Done! I will add you to my prayer list. I hope all goes well. ; )
xoxo
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