A few days after my last post about the grace of God in my life, I read an article by someone that doesn’t think it’s fair to claim such a thing because that would mean the ones that are still stuck are somehow different. I have to admit, I’ve heard this before and was a little hesitant about using it in my last post. But honestly, what else could I say? Anything else would be a lie.
All I know is the first time I got sober in 2010 I was completely broken. All my life attempts had failed. Every moment was spent high or trying to get high. My only friend was an old man that gave me pills. My husband was done. My family and friends were done. I had determined that dying an addict was the best way to go. But I couldn’t die and eventually the pain of being alone with my pills became greater than the idea of getting sober.
And then at the end of myself, I met God as I had never known Him before-through His Holy Word of The Bible. Instead of rehearsed prayers that never broke the wall of my heart, I cried out to Him with all my heart and soul not holding anything back. I still wanted to get high and I was too tired to learn how to live a new life-and told Him so. I told Him a virgin birth and the cross as outlined in the gospels were just too incomprehensible for me to believe. He already knew it anyway.
And slowly, this Immeasurable God changed my heart from one of stone to one of flesh. He sat my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. My whole life changed. And more importantly I was a new person. Not sinless and perfect. But I knew The One who was. And is.
Fast forward to 81 days ago after a 3 yr relapse and trying to get sober one more time (this time from a growing nightly wine addiction), and I have no other explanation for it. Only the grace of God could change a wretch like me. I’ve been the one that has been in the pits of despair and wondered “why me God? You could deliver me with a word and you won’t?” I don’t have the answer to that. Only He knows. He is a God that can’t be defined by humans. Thankfully.
But this I know because the Bible tells me so:
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
Keep crying out to Him. Get to know Him through His Word. And even though you may not still understand His grace, you won’t be able to deny it. ❤