Today is awesome! I woke up feeling light and HAPPY! After several days feeling like a complete loser and wanting to drink wine, I feel okay today. That is a sober miracle!
I did spend some time reading about PAWS (Post acute withdrawal Syndrome). Oh great, another syndrome, I thought at first. But this one is a good syndrome to have if you’ve been trying to stop drinking as long as I have. Because to actually have it, you have to be SOBER. Anyway, there’s so much information about it but basically our brain chemistry changes when we abuse alcohol or any other drug and all the emotions and cravings of early sobriety are really symptoms that our brains are healing.
My brain is healing. My brain is healing. My brain is healing.
This is what I’m gonna think from now on when I’m feeling really crappy, anxious, or sad, and craving alcohol. I’ve been calling what I feel depression but I think I’m just sad. And it turns out that sadness is just a normal part of the human condition. Crazy right? (I know!)
So even though today I feel like a kindergartener who just started a new school year on LIFE. I am sober. I’m learning to deal with life and all its emotions that I suppressed with alcohol for so long. Day 14, I like you a lot!!!
Teenager is off with a friend who got exempt from end of the school year exams and so I don’t have the normal mommy guilt I usually have. They got up really early to take my friends son to school and go hunting. He’s a really good kid and I’m very proud of him. He’s nothing like I was when I was his age-I was horrible!
I talked to Husband earlier and we had a good simple talk without me feeling like it was all about me and my not drinking now. We didn’t talk about anything really much but just our normal day to day talk. But for the last week I have hated these talks. It was just another reminder of how normal he is and how messed up I am. I don’t know if that makes sense but its really good to not be full of self-pity for a change.
And speaking of miracles, I have a new, real-life sober friend! Shawna from https://asobermiracle.wordpress.com/ (that’s where I got the theme from my blog post today). I’ve read a lot of blogs and books and I can tell you this girl has a talent! And she’s been sober a lot longer than me. We are now sober together! Yah!