Sober doesn’t feel good at all today. I feel like my life-as miserable as it was with the shame of drinking and not being able to stop-has been taken out with the trash. You know those days where you take your big trash can to the end of your driveway for the trash service to pick up every week. That has happened to life as I know it. I knew getting sober would be hard. The first week was good. I felt relief not having hangovers and just being sober was a comfort. But now.
Now everything hurts. My husband can’t say anything right. And looking at my teenager is just another reminder of all my inadaquecys at being a mom. How many times have I failed him? What if I wasn’t an addict or alcoholic? What if I was “normal”? How bad have I messed him up? Theres a new tightness in my chest filled with guilt that only a drunk mother would recognize. It’s gnawing and deep. Like a dog that has gripped its teeth onto my heart and refuses to let go.
I really hate you Day 11. But I hate the thought of drinking even more so. Thank you Jesus. ❤️